29 May, 2006

Troubled

Sometimes, I wonder how much of my response to things is because of having been abused as a kid, and how much is actually related to the situation at hand. Over the past couple of days, two things have happened that are still troubling me.

In the first case, it was all about tone of voice--I got intensely triggered overhearing my SIL putting her kids to bed, snapping and yelling at them as they got more resistant to laying down to sleep. I could understand that the situation was stressful--the kids had had an exciting day, and were in a strange bed, and we'd had dinner later than we should have; SIL had had a long and tiring day, hadn't gotten enough rest the night before, and didn't have the support of her husband putting the kids down for the night. But as she snapped and snarled at the kids, I couldn't help feeling that sense of impending danger that I felt throughout my childhood. SIL wouldn't beat her children, and I know she loves them, but emotionally, it's still hard for me to separate.

The second case is even harder. I was chatting with one of the kids who lives next door to us yesterday. He had on a sleeveless t-shirt, and I noticed a bruise near the side of his chest. It was a narrow, sideways u-shape. It's a shape I'm familiar with, peering in the mirror, or craning my head, the day after a spanking with the loopy toy. And try though I might, I can't think of anything other than a looped cord that would result in a bruise like that.

In neither case am I sure what I should do. I will definitely keep an eye on the kids next door; but would social services actually help? It's such a hard thing to figure out. And W. and I are trying to figure out how to approach tone of voice with her sister in a way that will actually help both the kids and SIL.

Yeah, so that's what's on my mind right now. I'm just not sure what to do.

2 comments:

Tigger said...

Just the sounds of raised voices (especially male raised voices) or children crying is enough to set me on edge and make me start looking for the door to avoid a panic attack. I get all wrapped up ("cranxious"?) and feel as if I will explode at any second, with no warning. I'm never sure which scares me more... the fear of exploding or imploding, since I know all to well the damage that can do on the inside.

But as it sounds like you've done, sometimes the best thing to do is just take a step back and watch for a little while. Things may not be as they seem, or even if they are, you can only do your best to help. And always remember that no matter what, you are not to blame or in any way responsible for another person's situation or pain. Honest.

Hugs,
Tigger
http://www.aspankinggoodtime.blogspot.com/

Tigger said...

Hey DG,

Are you OK? I worry when you haven't posted for a while, especially after a few "dark" entries in a row. If you're fine, no worries. I'm not trying to press you for a new entry.

Just want to be sure you're OK.

Hugs,
Tigger
http://www.aspankinggoodtime.blogspot.com/